A few simple rules for life.
Good rules for Life.
1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas.
2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn't move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn't, use the tape.
3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship. "I apologize" and "You are right."
4. Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.
5. When you make a mistake, make amends immediately. It's easier to eat crow while it's still warm.
6. The only really good advice that your mother ever gave you was, "Go! You might meet somebody!"
7. If he/she says that you are too good for him/her - believe them.
8. Learn to pick your battles; ask yourself, 'Will this matter one year from now? How about one month? One week? One day?'
9. Never pass up an opportunity to pee.
10. If you woke up breathing, congratulations! You have another chance!
11. Living well really is the best revenge. Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just might mean that the other person was right about you.
12. Work is good, but it's not that important.
13. And finally... Be really nice to your friends. You never know when you are going to need them to empty your bedpan.
--author unknown--
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Wisdom . . .
1. Don't worry about what people think; they don't do it very often.
2. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
3. It ain't the jeans that make your butt look fat.
4. Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
5 For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.
6. If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.
7. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
8. A conscience is what hurts when all of your other parts feel so good.
9. Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.
10. Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.
11. No man has ever been shot while doing the dishes.
12. Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist is reversed.
13. Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.
14. Junk is something you've kept for years and throw away three weeks before you need it.
15. Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when you do the same thing again.
16. By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.
17. Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.
18. Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.
19. If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before.
20. And never, EVER take a sleeping pill and a laxative in the same night.
--author unknown--
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As I've Matured . . .
I've learned that you cannot make someone love you. All you can do is stalk them and hope they panic and give in.
I've learned that one good turn gets most of the blankets.
I've learned that no matter how much I care, some people are just jackasses.
I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it.
I've learned that whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.
I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think.
I've learned that depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
I've learned that it is not what you wear; it is how you take it off.
I've learned to not sweat the petty things, and not pet the sweaty things.
I've learned that ex's are like fungus, and keep coming back.
I've learned age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
I've learned that I don't suffer from insanity, I enjoy it.
I've learned that we are responsible for what we do, unless we are celebrities.
I've learned that artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
I've learned that 99% of the time when something isn't working in your house, one of your kids did it.
I've learned that there is a fine line between genius and insanity.
I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. And the real pains in the ass are permanent.
--author unknown--
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I've learned that I still have a lot to learn.
--vpw--
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Van P. Wildman
Wildman & Sons, Inc.
Indianapolis, Indiana, 46227
Cellular Telephone: 317-445-9221
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